Post by JCL on Dec 27, 2005 10:45:15 GMT
THE CHAV NATIVITY:
>
>There's this bird called Mary, yeah? She's a virgin (wossat then?)
>She's not married or nuffink, but she's got this boyfriend, Joe, innit?
>He does joinery an' that. Mary lives with him in a crib dahn Nazaref.
>One day Mary meets this bloke Gabriel. She's like `Oo ya lookin at?'
>Gabriel just goes 'You got one up the duff, you have.' Mary's totally
>gobsmacked.
>She gives it to him large 'Stop dissin' me yeah? I ain't no Kappa-slapper.
>I never bin wiv no one!'
>So Mary goes and sees her cousin Liz, who's six months gone herself.
>Liz is largin' it. She's filled with spirits, Barcardi Breezers an' that.
>She's like 'Orright, Mary, I can feel me bay-bee in me tummy and I
>reckon I'm well blessed. Think of all the extra benefits an' that we
>are gonna get.'
>Mary goes 'Yeah, s'pose you're right'
>Mary an' Joe ain't got no money so they have to ponse a donkey, an' go
>dahn Bethlehem on that. They get to this pub an' Mary wants to stop,
>yeah?
>To have her bay-bee an' that.
>But there ain't no room at the inn, innit? So Mary an' Joe break an'
>enter into this garridge, only it's filled wiv animals. Cahs an' sheep
>an' that.
>Then these three geezers turn up, looking proper bling, wiv crowns on
>their heads. They're like `Respect, bay-bee Jesus', an' say they're
>wise men from the East End.
>Joe goes: 'If you're so wise, wotchoo doin' wiv this Frankenstein an' myrrh?
>Why dincha just bring gold, Adidas and Burberry?' It's all about to
>kick off when Gabriel turns up again an' sez he's got another message
>from this Lord geezer.
>He's like 'The police is comin an' they're killin all the bay-bees.
>You better nash off to Egypt.' Joe goes 'You must be monged if you think
>I'm goin' dahn Egypt on a minging donkey'
>Gabriel sez 'Suit yerself, pal. But it's your look out if you stay.'
>So they go dahn Egypt till they've stopped killin the first-born an'
>it's safe an' that.
>Then Joe and Mary and Jesus go back to Nazaref,
>an' Jesus turns water into Stella.
>
>There's this bird called Mary, yeah? She's a virgin (wossat then?)
>She's not married or nuffink, but she's got this boyfriend, Joe, innit?
>He does joinery an' that. Mary lives with him in a crib dahn Nazaref.
>One day Mary meets this bloke Gabriel. She's like `Oo ya lookin at?'
>Gabriel just goes 'You got one up the duff, you have.' Mary's totally
>gobsmacked.
>She gives it to him large 'Stop dissin' me yeah? I ain't no Kappa-slapper.
>I never bin wiv no one!'
>So Mary goes and sees her cousin Liz, who's six months gone herself.
>Liz is largin' it. She's filled with spirits, Barcardi Breezers an' that.
>She's like 'Orright, Mary, I can feel me bay-bee in me tummy and I
>reckon I'm well blessed. Think of all the extra benefits an' that we
>are gonna get.'
>Mary goes 'Yeah, s'pose you're right'
>Mary an' Joe ain't got no money so they have to ponse a donkey, an' go
>dahn Bethlehem on that. They get to this pub an' Mary wants to stop,
>yeah?
>To have her bay-bee an' that.
>But there ain't no room at the inn, innit? So Mary an' Joe break an'
>enter into this garridge, only it's filled wiv animals. Cahs an' sheep
>an' that.
>Then these three geezers turn up, looking proper bling, wiv crowns on
>their heads. They're like `Respect, bay-bee Jesus', an' say they're
>wise men from the East End.
>Joe goes: 'If you're so wise, wotchoo doin' wiv this Frankenstein an' myrrh?
>Why dincha just bring gold, Adidas and Burberry?' It's all about to
>kick off when Gabriel turns up again an' sez he's got another message
>from this Lord geezer.
>He's like 'The police is comin an' they're killin all the bay-bees.
>You better nash off to Egypt.' Joe goes 'You must be monged if you think
>I'm goin' dahn Egypt on a minging donkey'
>Gabriel sez 'Suit yerself, pal. But it's your look out if you stay.'
>So they go dahn Egypt till they've stopped killin the first-born an'
>it's safe an' that.
>Then Joe and Mary and Jesus go back to Nazaref,
>an' Jesus turns water into Stella.
