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Post by Geronimo on Feb 1, 2006 22:26:57 GMT
How come one reacts so vividly on what another person thinks of him?
Getting acquainted on the net is one of the most impersonal kinds of relations one can imagine.
You have no idea of who is on the other side of the line.
Looks, behavior? Character may show, but may well be fake!
Then why bother about what another thinks of you?
If they misjudge you, why would you care?
Why do you seek support with third parties to try to convince the opponent of your right?
I've been spending lots of time about a certain incident on this site.
The one good reaction would be...whatever.
I took the difficult way trying not to get my right, but getting in discussion. Get nervous about it. Maybe even seeing things that were not realy there or for other persons even sound "ridiculous".
I think a real Buddhist way would be observe the reaction from the other person and...let go. Be yourself.
It third parties are involved...let go. Be yourself.
One good thing about all of this worriing of mine is...i learned from this. And that's why i got on this forum anyway. I'm gonna just be myself.
Metta!
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alexandra
Member
Right V.I.S.A.B.E.A.M
Posts: 43
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Post by alexandra on Feb 2, 2006 9:06:38 GMT
"Do not keep searching for the Truth – just let go of your opinions." This does not imply that you should become a doormat, and abdicate all sense of Logic and Reason. Quite the opposite. It encourages a person to rise above the twisting, knotted trivialities of sensless, circling argument, and the insiduous, invasive, creeping Need To Be Right. I was involved in a discussion with someone, who pointed out to me a factor I had not previously considered... and I told them so, thanking them for their insight and contribution. Whilst touched by my honesty and gratitude, they further confessed to being taken aback by my response. They had expected a more stubborn and intransigent exchange, and were preparing themselves for a long two-way ping-pong verbal struggle. In short, they felt mildly deflated..... Sometimes, the way to 'defeat the oponent' (and I'm specifically referring to the fight/argument/discussion here, not the person) is to allow it's weight to support you and then you'll collapse on top of it, rather than find yourself being overwhelmed by its' insistence.... It is a worthy and good point to remember exactly that whomsoever you engage with, is a Human Being, with feelings, emotions, flesh, eyes, ears - all the attributes - and a Life you know nothing about, save that which they are prepared to reveal. To my mind, and in my opinion, people in fora such as these, reveal far too much of themselves. They expose a vulnerability that clever, devious people may seek to exploit. People all too often completely abstain from "Engaging Brain before Opening Mouth." I very often put at least fifteen minutes or more into composing a post. Others (evident by their tone, mispellings, grammar, composition) "shoot first and ask questions later"..... Then wonder why they have been misinterpreted, challenged, singled out and argued against. The Eightfold Path tells me all I need to know about how I can best interact and engage with others. And I consider each and every factor, before even touching the keyboard. Thank you for your thought-provoking post, ahbleza.  |
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Post by Geronimo on Feb 2, 2006 16:55:34 GMT
Alexandra, you are completely right.
Just know that i hesitated a long time before making the post above.
As i mentioned, on this topic, i've gone FAR beyond the point of discussion.
I just want to make clear, especially on a forum like this, one should always be open minded to another.
I am trying to come to peace with myself about the whole situation that led to my departure from this site the first time, and the departure of another member later on.
I think it's not only a dispute between me and that certain member, other ones i consider as a friend too, are involved in a sad way.
There just is a lot of misunderstanding on this forum.
It has always been in my nature to talk about problems. It' a good thing on one way, but very stressfully on the other hand. The easy way would be, as i stated before, let go. The hard way is keep trying.
And you are right, on forums like these, people give WAY to much of their private lives free. That's another lesson i've learned.
Metta!
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Post by Satori on Feb 3, 2006 1:12:57 GMT
To my mind, and in my opinion, people in fora such as these, reveal far too much of themselves. They expose a vulnerability that clever, devious people may seek to exploit. I went through something like that not too long ago. A member at esangha read my posts, recognized my vulnerabilities, and set out to exploit them for his own purposes. He claimed to have fallen in love with me due to my posts. At the time I believed him and thought he was an honest person. However, in retrospect, I now see that he is incapable of any kind of honesty and is, in fact, a very cruel and heartless person -- one I wish I had never met. The problem is, the vulnerabilities he saw and took advantage of were posts I had made during an extreme crisis in my life, one that involved facing death several times, so there was no way to avoid posting those things, as esangha had been my life support during that crisis. I just never thought another human being would set out to use my personal life and struggles against me like that. But that man did. He went so far as to get me to fall in love with him, knowing all along he wanted nothing to do with me other than to use me for his purposes. He's a celebrity, so I can certainly understand his need to hide his identity at a public forum and fudge on certain facts in order to do so. A well-known person like that would have to be careful about the press discovering his identity and reading his posts, so it might be considered a smart thing to do, under the circumstances. The problem was, he didn't come to esangha pretending to be someone else. He waived around the fact that he was a celebrity and even invited some of us to guess his real identity. That was not a very smart thing to do. When he claimed to have fallen in love with me, he shared his true identity with me, someone he felt he could trust with that information. He made me promise not to reveal his true identity to anyone at esangha, and other than two people (one who guessed it and one I told when I snapped one day), that's a promise I have kept. But the problem was, in order to get out of the situation with me (our relationship had become very serious and he was married), he told lies upon lies. He even went so far as to create a mental/emotional rape by telling me that he was never that celebrity to begin with. What a horrible thing to do to me. That's like having sex with someone blindfolded, only to realize when the blindfold is removed that you were having sex with someone else entirely. In his defense, I think he just didn't think it through and thought it might give us better closure that way. Wrong! It was a cruelty that has been burned into my consciousness for life, I'm afraid. He apologized for having lied about being a celebrity and said he would do anything to atone for having deceived me -- all on the condition that he continue lying to me, of course. But when his lies were exposed and the truth revealed that he really was the celebrity, he never apologized and never once tried to make amends for what he had done by explaining himself and his actions. Therefore, no honesty and no closure whatsoever. Instead, he merely created another identity at esangha and continued to try to interact with me. He left enough clues that I guessed his identity fairly quickly. I figured he was trying to be near me and stupidly thought that maybe if I was friends with him, he would come clean and apologize for what he had done to me previously. It's one thing to lie to others in a public forum but quite another to lie to someone you claim to be in love with. To lie to me after all we shared was very, very wrong. I never deserved to be lied to like that, and I certainly never deserved to be mentally/emotionally raped in the process. What a horrible violation. I understood that he had gone too far in his pursuit of me and never intended to fall in love, but what I couldn't understand was the dishonest way in which he ended things. Sadly, this man knew his actions caused me terrible pain and suffering. A knife had been plunged into my heart, and every day the truth was not told, that knife was plunged deeper into my heart. He seemed to enjoy the fact that his lies caused me further suffering. I finally had to cut off all contact with this man for good, since it was obvious he was never going to be honest with me. It's as though he believed that telling the truth would somehow leave him feeling powerless. The problem was, I wasn't trying to power-trip with him. I merely wanted -- and deserved -- to know the truth, that's all. After all we had been to each other, I certainly deserved that much. Obviously, this man is very limited in his personal life ... but that's just where he's at right now. There is no good or bad, right or wrong, positive or negative about it. It can FEEL good or bad, etc., but in the end, it's all just experience to learn and grow from. Therefore, I think it's important to recognize where other people are at in their lives, try not to judge them for their limitations and failures (even when those limitations have hurt you), and vow to follow your own path and find your own happiness in life.  As to other people's judgment, I have experienced some of this recently as well. But I have found that whenever someone judges or criticizes me unfairly, it's really a reflection on them and not me. So in that respect, I see it as a positive situation, one that gives me a clearer picture of who I'm dealing with, because no one needs so-called friends who judge and criticize them in their life. People who are critical and judgmental are usually very unhappy people. But as long as you know in your heart who and what you're about, that's all that matters. You have to be true to yourself, first and foremost. And IMO, if you don't have absolute honesty and truth in your life, then you don't have anything at all. You have to be brutally honest with yourself in life. Only then can you be truly honest with others.  |
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Post by JCL on Feb 3, 2006 11:55:51 GMT
lol, both me n cat have had that. i never gfot how u could fall in love with someone over a screen! it's complete bollox (excuse my french  ) |
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Post by Geronimo on Feb 3, 2006 16:35:52 GMT
I am glad at last this in the open forum where we can discuss about this.
I sincerely hope everyone on this forum is agreed that i am not the person Satori is talking about?
If we all agree on that, we can perhaps go on with the more pleasant side of this site?
Metta!
Eric
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Post by Satori on Feb 3, 2006 18:42:21 GMT
I am glad at last this in the open forum where we can discuss about this. I sincerely hope everyone on this forum is agreed that i am not the person Satori is talking about? If we all agree on that, we can perhaps go on with the more pleasant side of this site? Metta! Eric Of course we can't agree on that, Ron. I have the proof, as you well know. I'm sorry you're still upset that you can't get away with your lies, but I can't help you with that. Even in your last PM to me, you wrote: I guess you forgot posting about it in the Prayer for Satori thread, discussing it with me in chat in front of Sattva and others, and discussing it with me in PM exchanges as well. As I wrote to you in my last PM: I thought from reading your post that you were in pain and needed more from me on this matter, so I came back specifically to help you out. But now I see that that was a mistake. I'm sorry you can't be honest, but sadly, it is blatantly obvious that lying to others is who and what you will always be about. Therefore, I stand by my last PM to you ... this will be the very last time we will ever have contact in this life. I'm sure you will only continue to lie to others. Obviously, everyone here has bought into your deception. That's certainly their choice. I, on the other hand, know the truth and do not choose to be deceived in life. Truth and honesty are utmost to me. In light of your last post, I no longer see any need to keep your confidences. You wrote some beautiful poetry to me and your writings in our email exchanges over several months were quite wonderful. I know other people have enjoyed them as well. They really are to be shared with the world, and I thank you for them. I have now left this forum for good. Good-bye all and have a great life! |
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Post by JCL on Feb 3, 2006 19:38:40 GMT
woah woah woah!!!  stop! what's goin on? |
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Post by Geronimo on Feb 3, 2006 19:52:16 GMT
woah woah woah!!! stop! what's goin on? Beats me! Can you follow this, JCL? |
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Post by Geronimo on Feb 3, 2006 20:04:27 GMT
Do you really think i would go through all this trouble if i was not completely honest about my identity, being a belgian citizen of 42 years.
Contacting Prady who still considers you as a friend, getting her oppinion about how to solve this? Do you really think that, Satori?
I could just leave and let this ubsolved, but i wouldn't feel good about it.
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Post by Geronimo on Feb 3, 2006 20:24:40 GMT
You wrote some beautiful poetry to me and your writings in our email exchanges over several months were quite wonderful. I know other people have enjoyed them as well. They really are to be shared with the world, and I thank you for them.
If you consider the poems i wrote on this and the e-shanga-site as world poetry, just check out our "story in one sentence we wrote". That's about how far my poetry goes.
And if i write without mistakes, remember there's always a spellcheck i use.
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Post by Geronimo on Feb 3, 2006 21:27:48 GMT
Let's say i deserve the benefit of the doubt.
k zal ne kier op maan platste vlaoms klappe dak moar oeit kan memoreren, ge zult allemoal nogal ne kie versckiete.
Moakto moa ne kie ne poetry van as ge da kuntei.
Zwerte triepen en ne stuute mee uuftvloakke ender niets oan.
metta
eric
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Post by Geronimo on Feb 4, 2006 9:44:22 GMT
I'm gonna stop putting my energy it this.
Satori, just one last remark, certain people at e-shange seem to have turned their back on me. I wonder if you did send them a PM as you said you would. If so, you did a really good job.
I'm glad i kept my side of the conversation clean.
And last thing, i always write a small i regarding to myself. Maybe you can check out the posts of your Celeberety RON, i'll bet his great ego will be written as "I" in capital.
Metta!
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Post by Geronimo on Feb 4, 2006 9:49:10 GMT
Buddhism way!
i don't bother whatever you think of me...let go!
Mitakuye Oyasin
Wicasa iyotanyapi.
Hanta yo! Wakanya hibu welo.
Maka kinle mitawa, ca hibu welo.
Hecitu yelo!
Goodbye!
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Post by JCL on Feb 4, 2006 22:20:58 GMT
oi! stop it u 2! *thread closed*    |
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